He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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