using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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