I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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