You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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