: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
