Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
