Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
