the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize