On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I touched a dick in church today
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
