He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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