you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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