we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
