I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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