I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
