Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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