cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize