Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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