So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
