They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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