i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
