I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
