I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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