Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
