Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
