she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
