escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
