Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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