Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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