I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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