cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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