Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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