does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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