I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
