Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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