she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
