she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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