if i can run in heels then i can drive
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
