you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Houston, we have a squirter
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
