We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
