So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
