I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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