Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
