Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
