i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
