Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
time to smoke my breakfast
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
