I think my vagina is haunted
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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