my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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