Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize