and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Someone shattered a urinal.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
