My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
