I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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