Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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