His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
