I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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