If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
