She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
