I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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