I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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