I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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