I've blown a few things in my day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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