his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
