you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
