Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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