I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
