It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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