Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
