You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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