i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
