Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
