My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As shirtless as possible
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
