The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize