Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
