I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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