I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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